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christopher gutierrez
"fuck your world, ill take mine." 
13th-May-2009 05:48 pm
its damn near impossible to stand up for something and not come off as an opinionated asshole.
we are constantly bombarded by friends, parents, teachers, bands, bloggers to stand up for what we believe, to make our voices heard and to not become just another common boring person. but for every rant, for every vote and for every opinion its unreasonable to believe that someone, somewhere will not be offended.

welcome to my life.

understandably, i have come off on more than one occasion as an elitist, arrogant, obstinate jerk. its what comes along with being assertive and having an opinion. and over the years ive drawn a line in the sand between us and "them".


because these rooms, this music, this culture and community was not created with the intent that it was for everyone. but see, just by saying that ive offended someone. but it is the truth nonetheless.
see, the popular kids have their proms, the athletic kids have their trophies and games, the well-adjusted adults have their families and secure jobs, the motivated have their course, the skinny have no problems finding clothes that fit, the intelligent, the attractive, the wealthy, the privileged, the educated, the loved, the appreciated... they have their place.
and i wont hate on that.
good for them for not having to truly struggle and claw and fight their way up against injustice and intolerance and lifes steady stream of a dog shit river. thank god there are people out there who know love and understanding and dont have to close their eyes so hard at night in order to force the memories of abuse and rape out of their minds. i couldnt be happier for people who will never know what its like to go without electricity or clothes or food. for the people who will never have to take a pill just so they can make sense of it all. and im sure that spotlight at the prom or scoring that winning touchdown or restful nights or the looks of envy the pretty people get feels pretty fucking good, even if its for one shallow second. and hey, truthfully, i am happy they are allowed those moments.

but there are many out there that dont.
there are many of us out there who wear the faces and clothes, we talk the talk and feign the walk but we dont. and we never have. and we dont want the world to know this about us.
and there are many of us out there who have never felt the warmth of that spotlight. the real touch of a parent. the shared dreamy eyes of someone who is so fucking in love with us that we could die in that moment.
and there are those of us out there who have had to lie, cheat and steal just to feel full at the end of the day.
those of us who had to kick down doors just to be heard.
those of us who have never been given a second of attention, so we screamed and yelled and stood on top of our desks and took it.
and those of us who would kill for an education if only we could afford one.

you call it a band, a venue and a friday night.

but we call it our soundtrack, our home and the only life we know.

13th-May-2009 10:49 pm (UTC)
"you call it a band, a venue and a friday night.

we call it our soundtrack, our home and the only life we know."

this is perfect.
13th-May-2009 10:56 pm (UTC)
Belitting the lives of others doesn't make your shit sound more romantic.
13th-May-2009 10:58 pm (UTC)
....says the coward anon belittling the post. lol
13th-May-2009 10:59 pm (UTC)
Good one. <3
13th-May-2009 11:00 pm (UTC)
i still take bad advice from my best friends.
13th-May-2009 11:12 pm (UTC)
I agree with a lot of what you say, though i have to say this is almost written as if "the wealthy, the privileged, the educated, the loved, the appreciated" live in a separate world to the one in which people are raped, abused and used.
Being rich or having a degree doesn't make you any less human or any less aware of pain or make you any less vulnerable to the awful things that people are capable of.

i probably missed the point but eh.
13th-May-2009 11:18 pm (UTC)
i think his point is more or less that their are some people who will never have that struggle and some people that always will.
13th-May-2009 11:20 pm (UTC)
it's nice to know everyone has a place, no matter where it may be.
14th-May-2009 01:54 am (UTC)
everyone has a place?
truly, really? i have yet to find mine.

it seems people can hold themselves to something, to anything, at the end of the day they find others who feel like that
but then those who are alone at the end of every single day, no matter of their class or their struggles, in a wrong time where no where is truly comfortable

there is no relation there.
13th-May-2009 11:32 pm (UTC)
sometimes the popular kids and/or the jocks live with abuse, rape and shit rivers as well. but for the most part, i agree. there are some people who just got dealt a good hand of cards. thank you for reminding the ones of us who got dealt the crappy hands, that there's still a place for us as well.
13th-May-2009 11:54 pm (UTC)
make this world give you what it owes you
14th-May-2009 12:05 am (UTC)
chris, honestly your words mean so much to me. and it always seems to be when i'm feeling extra shitty that you write up one of these posts.
i've said it a million times before but i'll say it again; thank you! (L)(L)
14th-May-2009 12:07 am (UTC)
yet again you've one up'd! its entries like this that make me proud of what i am apart of and the people i keep in my life. you will always be one thats kept around... i hope you stick around :) - Rach
14th-May-2009 12:18 am (UTC)
you always leave me in awe. thank you.
14th-May-2009 12:37 am (UTC)
i have straight a's, a beautiful prom dress, a mother who not only loves me but who is my best friend, and friends who are great people. i'm the most optimistic person you will ever meet, i smile at every stranger on the street, i don't like negativitey when there's no reason for it. i'm promising myself i'll do great things in life.

but all that doesn't matter when you're cracking at the seems. these "perfect lives" are scary as fuck. everything is fragile. i can't afford college on my own, the pressure there to get the straight a's, to pass the ap exam, to get the 2400 on the sats. my sat scores were great! above average, i was happy. but then you meet the people at school who say "oh, well mine is..." and he's smarter than me, not just smarter...more intelligent. but he's so fucked up. we're all so fucked up. we come into school every morning with these smiles and the other kids call us "scholars" and "geniuses" and they see us different but we're a bunch of scared kids.

i don't listen much to punk, i have the bits and pieces i like. i happen to like pop-punk a lot. jack's mannequin when i'm having a bad day. the point i'm trying to make, i guess, is that that feeling of security...it isn't locked into just one genre. music is just music, it doesn't matter who is making it. it's gonna change everyone differently.

but you...you are special. you make people like me, girls, boys, kids who in real life, no one would ever notice cracking spill their guts on the internet. you should be proud of that because you're inspiring people. and yeah, we get pissed off, and yeah, you call us out on it. and yeah we get angrier but you're getting a reaction out of a generation who is trained to be competative and apathetic.

so when i wake up in the morning, biting my nails because i have an AP exam, or the SATs, or an essay due its easy to forget that i live a pretty decent life. because i've gotta get somewhere--i've been given no choice.

i'll cling to the moments where i see Him at his most tender, i'll cling to the moments when i fall asleep with a dumb stuffed unicorn. i'll cling to the moments in a crowd of kids who might just be swaying to the music. because belonging to something, belonging to anything...thats an ineffable reality. the illusive dream the grand prize.
14th-May-2009 12:37 am (UTC)
"hardcore is not a background beat for you to move your dancing feet
its feeling living breathing its the life for those who love living"
14th-May-2009 01:38 am (UTC)
Aside from this journal entry in general, my favorite part is the "security" guy on the left who just has that genuine smile. It shows that not only the people in the crowd are having a good time.
14th-May-2009 02:21 am (UTC)
chris, i love you, but you can be annoyingly closed-minded sometimes.
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